Guilt Trip.

Payton will be 4 months next Friday, and I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. It’s brought a lot of different emotions because 4 months has been a mark I’ve been looking forward to for the last couple of months. It’s seems in the baby world, 4 months is a big deal. A lot of babies start eating cereal, they’re starting to roll over, sit up, and many will be sleeping through the night. It’s also the day our pediatrician said we can let Payton “Cry It Out” (CIO) to fall asleep, which I’m looking forward to and dreading at the same time.

On one hand, Payton has learned that the only way she can fall asleep is by being fed or held. And the only way she stays asleep is by laying in between my husband and I while we touch her hand or leg and let her know we’re next to her. Which hasn’t been terrible because I love holding her while she falls asleep and waking up to a baby holding your hand is super sweet. But, at almost 4 months, we’re ready to have our bed back. And lately she cries EVERY time she gets tired because she’s trying to fight it and knows someone will pick her up and bounce her to sleep. Not ok! So yes, I’m ready for her to learn how to self soothe and put herself to sleep.

On the other hand, I know listening to her cry for 5/10/15 minutes is going to be HORRIBLE! I’ve never let her cry for more than 2 minutes (rushing to make a bottle) and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’ve decided to try Ferber’s method of CIO which allows parents to go in at intervals, waiting longer after each time you go in. I’m praying that it only takes a night or two, but I know it can take up to two weeks. But it’s something we have to do, for our sanity and her safety!

Which brings me to the point of this post. I’ve been feeling super guilty lately. Every night I ask myself the same things: Am I on my phone too much? Do we watch too much TV? Do I read to her enough? Do I interact with her enough? Is she learning enough? Did she have enough tummy time? Have I created a monster by not ever letting her cry? Have I given her enough attention? Too much attention? Have I spoiled her? Did she eat enough? Did she wet enough diapers? And the list goes on…but the one question Google can’t answer for me is, am I being a good mom? In the end, that’s all we ever want to be. And it’s something I can’t honestly answer yes to. 

But I can say that I’m doing the best I can. Even if that means letting her cry a couple of nights. If it works, great! If not, we’ll try again in a couple of weeks.

 If anyone has any tips, PLEASE share! If not, wish us luck! We all need it in the next couple of weeks!



4 thoughts on “Guilt Trip.

  1. Girl… I ask myself this everyday and my son is almost 5. You are doing the best you can and thats all you can do. I went through the crying it out stage and I always gave in… My child didnt end up sleeping through the night until he was 1. At the time, I couldnt bare listening to him cry it out but looking back, I know he would be fine. Its definitely hard but something we all go through. Just take in all of these special moments with your little one because they grow up fast. 🙂



  2. Made me tear up reading the last part because it’s SO true!! It reminded me that I’m also just doing the best I can and I have to give myself a little mercy and grace more often. As for CIO – we actually started with Stella earlier than the 4 month mark and I have to say, as horrible as it feels, they learn so quickly! Stella now fusses/cries for maybe 5 minutes when we put her down and it’s more so during the day when it’s nap time. Girl just wants to party; I can’t blame her. The night that we decided to move her out of her bassinet in our room and into her own crib, I went to Target and bought a video monitor and this singing lamb that totally seems gimmicky but I swear it works. I’ll put a link here for you!! Also, my biggest tip is to busy yourself while you’re waiting out the 5/10/15 minutes. I set a timer on my phone and get to work doing stuff (washing bottles, catching up on laundry, peeing hahah). If you don’t busy yourself, you will also cry for the 5/10/15 minutes. I promise. Lastly, let the Ferber method be a GUIDE, not the bible. We’ve been doing it with Stella for about 3.5 weeks now and haven’t lengthened the time before we go into her room like the method suggest. I found that 5/7/10/12/etc. works for us best. Stella likes knowing we’re there almost right away and I RARELY even make it through the 7 minutes before she’s soothed herself and fallen asleep. A lot of times it takes less than 10 minutes before she’s asleep! Girl, I feel like I could just go on and on. I’m here! Text me if you need more encouragement during the CIO mess!! xx!


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